♪ There are Starks and there are Lannisters ♪
♪ and Kardashians and of– ♪
Uh, it’s “Targaryens.” Idiot.
♪ — and Targaryens, and of course there’s some unknowns ♪
♪ Welcome to the crazy, wacky world of Game of Thrones. ♪
– Nice, I like it.
– Thanks man, cool.
In an exclusive Red Nose Day revelation, we’ve discovered that the British band, Coldplay, are secretly working on a musical of TV sensation, Game of Thrones.
This is the best idea we’ve ever had.
(guitar and vocals)
♪ Bom, bom, bom baba dobodom ♪
(Chris Martin speaks while music
continues in background)
It’s just been the most amazing
creative outpouring.
Trust me
♪ Bom, bom, bom, baba dobodom ♪
Wait, wait, how many poppadoms?
They’re “babadoms”.
The band had been long-time fans of the show, and bearded drummer, Will Champion, actually took time off at one point to act in the famous ‘Red Wedding’ episode.
They’ve gathered in the Henson recording studio in Los Angeles to work up the 16 songs required for a full Broadway stage production.
(keyboard)
– Nice! Have you got any lyrics?
– Yeah.
♪ Around the world my heart had to roam ♪
Well, when I first heard about it, I was, er, a little bit sceptical, but now I’m completely convinced: it’s a horrible idea.
♪ Closer to ho-o-ome ♪
It’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.
♪ A family tree … ♪
(music continues as female voiceover begins)
One word that springs to mind when I’m thinking about this project is “Titanic.” But not in terms of the successful movie, uh, in terms of the unsuccessful boat.
♪ Closer to home ♪
(band plays ‘Red Wedding instrumental’)
(piano music)
Cut to: RAK Studios, London
Finally, after months of writing and planning, Chris has invited along the entire cast of Game of Thrones, to recruit them into the live Broadway show.
Fella’s, how ya doin’?
I had a moment of inspiration, it was
a flash of genius — get the whole cast to come in. Everyone thought it was a brilliant idea, so that’s what’s happening. It’s a big day, big day for us.
All the actors are gathering to hear the songs performed for the first time.
Well, not all of them.
More … two.
I was told Sean Bean was gonna be here. He owes me a fiver.
Well, no, I don’t think it is quite as many as the band would have hoped, but … still a very exciting day!
This is called “Rastafarian Targaryen.”
(Band plays “Rastafarian Targaryen”, reggae music)
– Yep!
♪ Ya-ya-ya-ya! ♪
♪ I’mma Rastafarian Targaryen ♪
♪ I got some dragons and they’re
pretty scary-en ♪
(interviewer)
So Chris, how you think it’s going?
Stunning. Stunning. People are literally stunned.
(interviewer)
And what if some of them can’t sing?
Well, the funny thing is, they can sing.
A two, three, four!
♪ Bom, bom, bom baba
(Chris Martin)
Robert…. Robert! Snappy! Come on.
No, no, I-sorry, sorry.
I’m sure he’ll come back.
Well, with these things it’s always step by step. Um, 50% of the cast seemed really into it, so, um… I think we’re onto something really special.
(piano)
(narrator)
It’s been a slightly disappointing day. But then…
Hey Chris. I’m sorry I’m late.
Oh my god. Jon Snow. I knew you’d come.
I’d never let you down, man.
Thank you, Jon Snow.
It’s Kit.
(Chris Martin whispers)
Thank you, Kit Snow.
Right. What we got, man?
(Band starts to play “Still Going Strong”)
– Right… right… More volume please, more volume, turn it up a bit!
(music in background)
♪ Still going strong ♪
(Music continues in the background)
(Narrator)
It’s day two of the workshop, and suddenly things take a turn for the better. With a phone call from Jon Snow, and the offer of free food, a huge chunk of the cast have arrived.
(Alfie Allen walks through the door and sees Iwan Rheon. Alfie drops his coat after an intense stare -off. They suddenly embrace, laughing and smiling.)
– Hey man! Good to see you, man!
– Hi, how ya doin’? You too.
– Love your shirt, mate. Love your shirt.
– You look great.
(music, clapping)
(narrator)
It’s been a very emotional morning.
I’ll have the nuggets, please.
Yep, there’s one left.
Oh, lovely!
Ahh … I sense this choice will not end well for you. I would suggest the drumsticks.
Oh. Oh, right, well, drumsticks it is, then, apparently. Cheers.
I’ll have the nuggets, please. Thank you.
(Band plays “Wild Thing”, Kit Harrington sings)
♪ Wildling ♪
♪ You make my heart sing ♪
♪ You pull your bowstring ♪
♪ And shoot me ♪
♪ Wildling ♪
♪ Wildling, I think I love you ♪
♪ But I wanna know for sure ♪
♪ I wanna take you into that cave and kiss you, baby, down there ♪
♪ ‘Cause I’ve never done it before ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Wildling ♪
♪ Woo! ♪
♪ Wildling ♪
(cheering, applause)
Really, really, really, really good. Just, um, one tiny thing.
On the “lings,” just be careful, you’re going a little bit flat, so …
No he wasn’t. You know nothing, Chris Martin.
♪ If there’s one thing Theon might have taught you ♪
♪ (One thing I’ve taught you) ♪
♪ Is once I’ve caught you ♪
♪ (Once he’s caught ya) ♪
♪ There will be torture ♪
♪ (There will be torture) ♪
(narrator)
Old wounds are healed as new songs are revealed.
♪ I’m a real bastard ♪
♪ (he’s a bit of a bastard) ♪
♪ I’m a little more mean, ♪
(singing together, out of tune)
♪ A little more mean… ♪
♪ Than anyone you’ve ever seen ♪
♪ (Ever seen, ever seen, anyone you’ve ever seen, ever seen, ever seen) ♪
OK, so, “Red Wedding”. We’re all passionate about this one, as you know.
(piano)
It starts very serious.
♪ You don’t mess around with Walder Frey ♪
♪ (You don’t mess around with Walder Frey) ♪
♪ You don’t mess- Don’t mess around with Walder Frey ♪
♪ (You don’t mess around with Walder Frey ♪
(narrator)
Every style in the musical canon is captured in one day of blazing glory.
(song ends)
Beautiful. Nice.
♪ If you’re here for the wedding of Robbie Stark ♪
♪ Keep the car running, there’s no need to park ♪
♪ He’s not going to make it through the ni-i-ight ♪
♪ Keep that wedding cake in the fridge ♪
♪ You didn’t pay me back for using the bridge ♪
♪ I’m afraid this wedding won’t be whi-i-ite ♪
♪ bom, bom, bom, baba babadum ♪
♪ Red Wedding, Red Wedding ♪
♪ Lots of stabbing and a bit of beheading ♪
♪ The Rains of Castamere are here to sta-a-a-ay ♪
♪ Red Wedding, Dead Wedding, ♪
♪ A head shredding, bloodshed wedding ♪
♪ There will be no wedding bedding ♪
♪ Hey … you don’t mess around with Walder Frey ♪
Bang — curtains — Tony award. Great.
(cheering)
(Narrator)
News of the success of the workshop spreads like “wildfire#2. Suddenly, everyone is in.
D’you know what? I’ve never been prouder to be in anything. I always knew it was gonna be a triumph. George R. R. Martin meets Chris Martin — what could go wrong?
(Emilia Clarke singing “Rastafarian Targaryen”, reggae music)
♪ Game ‘a what now? Ai, eh, eh! ♪
♪ Call me Daenerys Targaryen when you wanna reach me ♪
♪ and if you feel the love then you can call me “Khaleesi” ♪
♪ Got so many names, I’m Queen of the Andals ♪
♪ Queen of the Meereen, yeah, you can kiss me sandals ♪
♪ With a branch of our own … ♪
– The funny — I mean, it’s, I know it’s like a musical, but I can also hear it like, I can hear it in the radio, I can hear it everywhere. It’s like, it’s a hit!
– It’s a big song. It’s a big song.
(narrator, over piano)
Raw emotion pours out from every corner of the room.
♪ Are you thinking ’bout Joffrey? Such a spirited lad ♪
♪ I was his uncle, I was also his dad ♪
(Narrator)
It’s the first romantic ballad about incest in Coldplay’s career.
♪Around the world, my heart had to roam ♪
♪ Now I’m looking for something, a little closer to home ♪
♪ Closer to home, closer to home ♪
♪ A family tree, with a branch of our own ♪
(Instrumental to “Still Going Strong” gets louder)
(Narrator)
The greatest rock opera of all time is coming together.
♪ Still going strong (He’s still going strong) ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah (He’s still going strong) ♪
♪ Remember Ned Stark? He was a lot of fun (So fun) ♪
♪ But he didn’t make it past Season One (Oh no) ♪
♪ Some people’s parts just ain’t very long ♪
♪ But not me (Not me, not me, not me) ♪
♪ I’m still going strong (He’s still going stro-o-ong) ♪
I can’t believe it. It’s a dream come true. Everything is come together, everyone’s on board, we just need George R. R. Martin’s permission and then, we’re off. He’s going to go absolutely crazy!
(Poster for Game of Thrones: The Musical, with the tagline “Coldplay Is Coming” as the narration returns)
And Chris was right. George R. R. Martin did go “absolutely crazy”.
(The poster gets a huge “CANCELLED” banner over it)
It’s a setback. But a… lil’ bit of this, lil’ bit of that, change some words around… I got plenty of other brilliant ideas.
(“Red Wedding” instrumental and vocals playing in the background. The camera pans past some posters for alternatives for the GoT musical: Downtown Abbey: The Opera, Breaking Bad: The Ballet, and Taken On Ice.)
(Narrator)
Huh. Well, that’s not bad, actually…
(Liam Neeson then appears in his recording booth.)
Well, better get my skates on, then!
END
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